Saturday, July 20, 2013 at Brown Deer Golf Course Milwaukee, Wisconsin

NMXIV took place on July 20, 2013, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. This year's tournament was played on one of the more challenging tracks in NM history - Brown Dear Park Golf Course. Brown Deer is the prior home of the Greater Milwaukee Open on the PGA Tour. Tiger Woods played his first professional tournament there, and even had a hole in one on the 14th Par 3. Although there were no holes-in-one on this day, the competition was fierce.

The favorites, Tim "Toolman" Boyer and Bryan Sanger, were true to their billing and pulled off the title. Toolman described the course as the toughest he has played since participating in the event, and appeared doubtful at times that his squad's 76 would hold up at the end of the day - but it did. Apparently the the tranny he befriended the night before was the inspiration he needed to garnish his 6th Tartan jacket.

Tim "Eagleglass" Spiegelglass and Aaron "Denmark" Vickar came in 2nd place with an 80. The team just did not have it together come game time, frequently slicing it into the woods and being forced to take safe shots to scramble out of trouble. Some question Eagleglass' preparation the night before. Denmark contributed barely anything to the group, struggling from tee to green repeatedly throughout the day. Unconfirmed reports indicate Eagleglass will, as a result, never compete with Denmark in the tournament again.

The Hoffman and Hoffman group, comprised of Dave "Dusty" Hoffman and Ken "Hawk" Hoffman, shot an 83. The elder statesman, Hawk, holed 6 seven-ten foot putts to save par or bogey for the group. If not for Dusty's shoddy play, the squad probably would have had a chance. Dusty, the former four-time champion, probably had his worst round in three to four years. Classic Dusty.

In addition to some old competitors, this year saw two new players in John "Captain" Wright and Joe Hargraves. Finishing with a respectable 87, future promise is on the horizon for these two. Captain even brought home the coveted long-drive trophy with a stellar drive on the front nine. No other golfer was even close to his thrashing stroke.

Bringing up the rear was four-time champion Jaeson "Nino" Becker and his partner Stan "The Man" Robbin. Nino is the first former winner to also take home the coveted Golden Douche Award. He will go down in the annals of NM history as the best of the worst there ever was. Although Stan had a few drives, and Nino had several solid closing putts, the team could not avoid multiple bogey and double bogey holes. In actuality, they were lucky to scrape out a 90 and avoid triple figures. Nino had the shot of the day on the 16th hole when he struck a worm-burner off the back of the ladies tee box and ricochetted his ball 40 yards behind the men's tee box. He also will go in the history books as having the longest NEGATIVE yardage tee shot in NM history. A hearty mazel tov to El Nino on that beauty.......

The awards ceremony was short and sweet, on a picturesque afternoon in lovely suburban Milwaukee. Talk was had of the location of NMXV but no decisions were made. Updates to follow.

dh